And frankly, sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself was bad behavior.

The Lord had been working to make me more like Himself. Depression is not an attribute of God or Christ. Indeed the Lord did suffer great sorrow when contemplating in the Garden of Gethsemane, but His sorrow did not tie Him to that garden rock. It drew Him to the Father in prayer, seeking Him for the strength to face His greatest challenge.

For me to be more like Christ, I needed to follow His example. Surely my burdens were measly compared to enduring the cross and taking on the sins of the world. How much more should I go to God for strength to meet the comparatively small challenges of the day.

I knew the fetter that held me to the couch was bringing destruction into my life and actually adding to the depression I was suffering. Every moment that I let my duties pile up, the weight became bigger and seemingly more hopeless to overcome. It was as a slippery slope. The results of the depression itself was cementing and even accelerating my depression.

John 1:16 talks about “grace upon grace” well this was “depression upon depression.”

It was a two-fold process that led to my deliverance of depression. First I was able to change my actions; later I renewed my mind.

Changing My Actions

Physically I had the strength to fulfill my household duties; it was my emotions that rebelled. One day I saw clearly how my actions, or lack of actions were causing the “depression upon depression” syndrome. I made an intellectual decision.

I decided that day that no matter how emotionally bankrupt I was feeling, I would force myself to be productive.

I remember sometime after I made that decision heading towards the couch with every intention to plop and glue. Cringing inside, I headed towards the sink instead. I can still picture myself with tears in my eyes and soapy water on my hands, scouring the dishes. At first it was difficult; many times I had to fight with my “self” in order to remain faithful to my resolve to be productive while depressed. It got easier each day. Soon it was habit.

I still had not dealt with the source of my depression, but I had begun to deal with the symptoms. I had also begun to slowly unwind the “depression upon depression” syndrome. I was no longer adding to my depression by having a line of chores to accomplish when I was feeling better. Now I was only dealing with the depression itself. I no longer had to worry about the “messy house” or a pile of unaccomplished tasks.

Renewing My Mind

Rom 12:2…Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

The second phase of my healing from depression involved the renewing of my mind. My thoughts were not based upon truth; they needed to be changed.

I will not share my specific thoughts that were in error, but rather I will share the categories of error.

• Error #1: My view of God needed to be renewed.
• Error #2: My view of self needed to be renewed.
• Error #3: My view of others needed to be renewed.
• Error #4: My view of authority needed to be renewed.

My view of God

In general I did not trust God.

All worry stems from a lack of trust in God. God claims to be provider, protector, perfect, all-loving, faithful, and the one who knows and delivers the very best for believers, perfectly. He causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are “the called” according to His purpose (Romans 8:28-29).

If these things were true, and I supposedly trust God, then I should believe that every circumstance that comes into my life is ordained and supervised by God. And that He has my very best interests in mind, even when things don’t seem to be going my way.

I often struggled with even believing that God loved me. Yet, His Word clearly teaches how great are the depths of His love, that He would send His Son Jesus to die on my behalf.

How can I be depressed if these things are true? My thoughts needed to change in order to reflect the truth. I needed to give up my faulty truth, and trust God’s love for me – no matter the circumstances. He knows what is best.

My View of Self

Not only did I have a faulty view of God, but I also had a faulty view of myself.

What I am about to share may go against the norms of society, but it lines up with the Bible.

Depression often has roots in self-centeredness. My focus was on myself, my problems, my pain, my failures, my successes, my, my, my. That is enough to depress anyone.

As Christians, we are to have the mind of Christ. We are to focus our attentions on others. When we take the focus off of ourself and begin to see how we can help others with their problems, suddenly our own problems almost disappear.

Have you ever met a person, or been a person, who always talks about themselves and their problems?  I have been on both sides of this conversation, and it is not productive. While we need to be a good listener when on the receiving side, we should avoid being a complainer (with the understanding that there are times we do need to talk about our problems). But our main focus should not be on self needs but on the needs of others. This helps our own problems fade, bringing joy to the people around us. Read the book of Philippians for great encouragement in this area.

My View of Others

I believe a large part of my depression wrongly stemmed from the behavior of others. My mind needed to be changed on this issue in two ways. The first way dealt with control; the second dealt with perception.

First, I can have zero control over the actions of others, yet I wanted control. I had to give up this control.

When I learned to allow people to be who they are, wrong or right, I had so much more peace in my life. I worked on giving up all expectations of others. This was very freeing.

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment, which, if left unchecked, leads to depression. In reality, this is basing happiness, or well being, on the behavior of others. This must stop if we are to live joyful lives.

When I have no expectations of others, I can never be disappointed with their behavior, but oftentimes find myself filled with the joy of unexpected blessings. In a sense it is living in reality; responding to every situation as it comes, as opposed to
responding how, in my mind, it was supposed to be.

Second, I needed to eliminate being controlled  by my perception of how others perceived me. In other words, I needed to care less about what “people” thought of me, and more about what “God” thought of me.

Sometimes our actions and feelings can be controlled by the way we perceive others think or feel about us. This leads to bondage to others rather than to Christ. Our only concern should be as to how Christ perceives us. He is the only true judge. No one else can judge our hearts or our actions perfectly. If we live to please Him, we will never fail. If we live to please man, we will always fail.

If we live to please others, and we fail them, we can easily become depressed. If we live to please Christ and fail others, we can trust Christ for the outcome, and live in peace.

I am reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul in Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”

My View of Authority

The greatest source of freedom from depression for me came through an accurate understanding of authority, particularly biblical authority.

For years my reality had been based on the thoughts and ideas of others, including myself. I came to several crisis moments in my life where I had to be willing to give up every preconceived idea about everything.

Trusting others had led to so much uncertainty in my life. Now, there is a place to trust others, but all truth must be weighed against something else. If you receive four different opinions as to what the truth is, how can you actually know what it is?

When I came to understand and believe that the Bible was the absolute authoritative source of truth, I held the power to be free of all false ideas. I say that I held the power, because finding the truth from God’s Word can take hard work and study.

I also learned that I needed to really “understand” what the Scriptures were saying, not just take a passage out of context and try to apply it to my life. There is no truth to be had that way; it is a shaky foundation.

But properly understood, contextually accurate biblical truth has the power to set free the strongest bonds of depression and false thinking.

In Conclusion

The Lord freed me from depression through trusting Him. First I learned to act like I was not depressed, then I learned to change the false thinking that led me into depression. The only true source of healing and knowledge comes from God’s Word. Learn to trust it today.

Depression can clearly be aggravated or instigated by chemical imbalance. I have experienced this personally. Much chemical imbalance is really nothing more than a nutritional deficiency that can be exacerbated by ingesting chemicals such as caffeine, alcohol, and other drugs, whether illegal or prescription.